In recent times, a lot of famous cases concerning sexual assault have been made public.
Recently, Activision Blizzard, the company that creates the Call of Duty game series, was made to pay $35 million due to sexual harassment in their offices. Many famous actors and musicians have lost millions of dollars due to sexual assault allegations being brought against them.
The poor actions and decisions of those men led to women being greatly harmed, as well as the reputations of said men being destroyed. As a young man in the world, you might wonder how you can be sexually active without unintentionally hurting anybody. You probably already know about condoms and protecting yourself from STI’s and unwanted pregnancies, but you know little about sexual assault.
This means young men have to learn about sexual assault while having sexual relations. That is a recipe for disaster because you might accidentally harm someone and destroy your reputation at the same time. Continue reading this article to learn some tips and tricks that can help you be sexually active while avoiding these harmful situations.
What is sexual assault?
Sexual Assault is any non-consensual sexual interaction. This includes actions like rape, coercion of sexual acts, and even unwanted fondling.
To avoid committing sexual assault, you must fully understand how important consent is. The first thing you need to know before you have sex is the word consent. Consent is a difficult thing to describe, but in simple terms, it is when two people willingly agree to have sexual interactions with each other. Before you engage in sexual interactions, be sure to verbally ask for their consent. You may think that asking questions might ruin the mood, but if someone really wants to have sex with you, a few extra words shouldn’t matter. If the answer is no, that means no.
Do not try to convince the other person otherwise or constantly ask them until they give in. Respect their wishes, and make sure your partner feels like they can say no to you. However, always be sure that your partner is in the right state of mind to consent. If your partner is drunk or under the influence of a drug, refrain from having sex with them. They might want to in the moment, but when they become sober, they might feel as though you have taken advantage of them.
Additionally, some people might perceive your physical dominance as a threat or believe that you owe them sex as a result of something you did for them. In order to avoid taking advantage of such people, be sure to ask for consent and look for signs that your partner wants to have sex with you.
How to determine whether someone is consenting
You might be thinking, How can I, as a young man, look for signs that my partner wants to have sex with me?
This is a normal question that all respectful men ask themselves due to their fear of harming women. As humans, there is no way to read another person’s mind, but we can learn about signs that show whether someone is truly able to consent.
These signs are:
- Facial Expressions: Facial expressions reveal a lot about what a person truly feels because it would be difficult for a person to fake a facial expression that is contrary to their true emotions. If your partner consents, but they look troubled or scared, try to comfort them and be sure to tell them that they are not obligated to do anything with you.
- Eagerness: Why does enthusiasm matter? When someone is enthusiastic about an action, it is clear that they are genuine. If your partner consents but appears hesitant, speaks with a low tone, or has ‘low energy’, be sure to ask your partner if they’re ready to have sex and tell them that they don’t owe you anything.
- Social Cues: Social cues include the previous signs, but there are many more. Things like body language, spacing between people, and eye contact are all social cues. Try to see if your partner is uncomfortable by looking at their behaviour. For example, if in your culture it is normal to look people in the eye or be close to one another while speaking, but you realise that your partner is refusing to do these things, be sure to ask them about it. If they don’t have a reasonable answer, it is likely that they are uncomfortable and unable to consent.
You might be thinking that you’re going to get a sign wrong and then miss out on sex. That definitely stinks, but think about it like this: Would you rather accidentally hurt someone and ruin your reputation forever, or miss out on sex one time and learn more about consent and women while you create a good reputation for yourself?
The choice is obvious. Be sure to put the information in this article to good use, always look for an enthusiastic yes instead of a no, and make sure you’re always protected.
Julian Kofi Nimako Safo